I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize