one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
