My nipple is on Facebook.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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