After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
