You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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