Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Randomize
