Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
