hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I did not marry a roomba.
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