is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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