It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize