??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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