YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
her facebook's as public as her vagina
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
