I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
