fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
