It was confusing and full of hummus
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
