Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
