Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
