No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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