Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
