I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
