I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
