it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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