I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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