lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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