I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
