Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We just shotgunned beers for America
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
