If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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