That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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