Banned from zoo.
Again?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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