dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
