I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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