This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
