I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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