god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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