Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
