ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
