Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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