woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
