Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize