I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
