Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
