omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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