just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You took a bar mat shot.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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