I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
