you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
