I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
