the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
