Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
