all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
