Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just blew my weed a kiss
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
