Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
