i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
