Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
