Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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