I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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