i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
