So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
