found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
