We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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