I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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