Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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