there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
