I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
