honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
false alarm, still single
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
