She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
