pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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