I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
