she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
