So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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