i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
