I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
