You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
