The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
