Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
